Department of Things Nobody Wants To Think About  ·  Public Air Quality Advisory  ·  Est. Every Time You Flush
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⚠ Public Health Advisory ⚠
The Comfort Report — Unfiltered Truth

You Are Breathing Poop Particles.

If you can smell your bathroom after someone's been in there — congratulations. You just ate it. Those molecules had to travel from somewhere to reach your nose. They didn't teleport. They hitched a ride on particles. Particles floating through your HVAC right now.

Tell Me How To Stop Eating Poop →

The Science Is Not Kind To Your Nose

When you flush a toilet, it creates an aerosol plume of microscopic fecal particles — some as small as 0.5 microns — that launch into the air and stay suspended for up to 6 hours. Studies from the University of Colorado found these particles travel up to 15 feet from the bowl.

Your HVAC system then helpfully distributes them throughout your entire home. Every room. Every breath. You're welcome.

— Journal of Hospital Infection (2012) · University of Colorado / CU Boulder Aerosol Studies —

Uncomfortable Facts You Now Cannot Unknow
// Peer-reviewed. Peer-regretted.
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0.5
Microns — Toilet Plume Particle Size
Human hair is 70 microns wide. These are invisible, weightless, and drift for hours. Your nose detects them at concentrations far below what your eyes could ever see.
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6 hrs
How Long They Stay Airborne
Without proper filtration, fecal bioaerosols from a single flush remain suspended and recirculated through your HVAC for up to six hours. Lunch is served.
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100%
Smell = Particle Contact
This is the law of olfaction. You cannot smell something without molecules from that thing physically entering your nose. There is no smell without substance. Full stop.

If You Smelled It, You Were In It.

Your nose is a particle detection system. It doesn't hallucinate smells — it reports on reality. When your nose says "someone was in that bathroom," what it actually means is: "I just processed airborne fecal matter and you should probably know about it."

Olfaction requires volatile organic compounds and particulate matter to physically contact olfactory receptors
— Basic principle of sensory biology, confirmed by everyone who has ever used a bathroom after someone else

The Filter That Actually Stops It

// Not all filters are created equal. Most are created useless.

Filter Type MERV Rating Captures Down To Stops 💩 Particles?
Fiberglass — Builder Grade
That flat gray thing you forget exists
MERV 1–4 10+ microns
(dust bunnies only)
Absolutely Not
Standard Pleated
What most people upgrade to
MERV 8 3–10 microns
(pollen, dust mites)
Barely
Pleated MERV 13 ★
Building science sweet spot
MERV 13 0.3–1 microns
Captures fecal bioaerosols
YES 🎉
True HEPA
Standalone unit, not your HVAC
MERV 17+ 0.1–0.3 microns
(viruses, ultrafine)
YES — but ⚠

💩 The Poop-Particle Recommendation

For your central HVAC system: MERV 13 pleated filter. It captures particles down to 0.3–1 micron — which covers fecal bioaerosols, bathroom aerosols, and most airborne pathogens. It does this without strangling your system's airflow the way a HEPA would. Change it every 60 days (not the 90 on the box — the box lies).

For bathrooms specifically: A standalone HEPA air purifier in or near the bathroom catches the plume before it enters your ductwork. Run your exhaust fan for 20 minutes post-flush (yes, really — not 2 minutes). This mechanically removes particles from the air before they get a chance to tour your home.

The combination: MERV 13 in your HVAC + HEPA in the bathroom + 20-min exhaust timer = you have done what you can for civilization. You're welcome, houseguests.

The Official Smell-to-Particle Threat Assessment

// If you can smell it, this is what you are breathing

Level
What Your Nose Reports
What Is Actually Happening
Your Filter Status
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Nothing. Clean air. You smell nothing.
No bioaerosols present at detectable concentrations. Filtration is working.
Filter Working
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"Did someone...?" — faint, questionable
Sub-threshold particle load. Filtration is partially working. Change your filter.
Change Filter
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"Someone was definitely in there"
Active bioaerosol plume in circulation. You are breathing post-flush particulate matter.
Upgrade Filter
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"Oh god. Oh no. Who did this."
Significant aerosolized fecal matter throughout room. High-concentration bioaerosol event. Your HVAC is distributing this.
Full Upgrade Now

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5 Things Silently Destroying Your Air Quality

Gas stove combustion (benzene in your kitchen)
VOC off-gassing from furniture & flooring
Duct leakage pulling in attic air
Excess humidity above 60% RH
Cleaning products spiking indoor PM2.5
Download Free →
Free PDF

Keep Your Air Healthy — 4 Building Science Hacks

MERV 13 filtration — stops the particles
Humidity control 35–50% RH year-round
ERV/HRV fresh air ventilation guide
80–110 CFM exhaust fan requirements
Download Free →